No one sliced through the fog of war like Benjamin Franklin “Hawkeye” Pierce. Alan Alda’s quicksilver delivery turned gripes into gospel and gallows humor into a survival skill. Here are the standout moments from the portion you gave me—sharp, sly, and surprisingly tender.

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15) “I want a martini that could be declared a disaster area.”

Season 3, Episode 10 — “There Is Nothing Like a Nurse”

Hawkeye’s cocktail specs read like meteorology: arid, barren, desiccated. The joke works on two levels—his fussy “dryness” chase and that constant MS*H balancing act: serious work, unserious palate cleanser. Trapper chiming in with “two straws” is the perfect garnish.

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14) “I’m not sleeping, I’m inspecting the inside of my eyelids.”

Season 3, Episode 3 — “Officer of the Day”

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